Riding with Pinkyracer

I poached this nugget of inspiration from http://brandautopsy.typepad.com/brandautopsy/ writing about this book- “THE KNACK,” by Norm Brodsky.

“Business is just a means to an end. The question is, what’s the end? Where do you want to go in your life? Where do you want to be in five years from a family standpoint? What do you want to earn? How much time do you want to take off?”

Now I generally try to avoid making decisions out of fear, opting instead for the more hopeful option. But this economy situation is kinda hard to be hopeful about. While tailoring my job search as best I can, and brewing up a new venture that could be a recession darling, I am still in a complete panic that this ridiculously expensive degree is all for naught. I could walk right back into my old life, make just as much money as I did before, which could be more than I’ll make in a new job, but then I’d have to slit my wrists. I’d rather move into my parent’s basement and start my own company than waste this degree.

Last week, Brezny told me (and other Aries too I suppose, but you know, we’re inherently self-obsessed) to "As you seek to take your game to a higher level, unveil your personal version of the corkscrew illusion twist rodeo spin." ie, to perform the seemingly impossible. So I am looking for a job where I can make more money, save the world, and be challenged and inspired daily. No time like the present, right? The following week he told me to have mind-blowing sex, and well. My mom reads this so let’s just say I’ve been dating the nicest Senegalese boy (10 years my junior) the past month. He’s so gorgeous and so sweet. I recently found out he’s Muslim, too, like the other 95% of Senegalese. So I teased him about not praying 5 times a day, and he showed off his Arabic (one of the 10 languages he knows) writing skills. The cool thing about Muslim boys is they don’t drink. Love that. For some reason he doesn’t understand me when I speak French, so he’s forcing me to improve my Spanish, but I’m starting to teach him English.

So in contemplating what business to start with what little savings I’ll have left upon graduation, I have an idea that should be fine, but want to do something even more socially redeeming. We’ll see. When I told Baxi how much I spent on tuition he was pretty stunned. He’d have spent the money buying up beachfront property back home and renting it to rich tourists. Not a bad idea… I hope to visit Senegal while I’m here, but I am starting to clamp down on the spending, not knowing how long after school I’ll need to live off my savings. Although that money could last a lot longer in Africa, and there are plenty of opportunities for MBA’s to help entrepreneurs there.

So what is the End? For me, where I want to go NEXT is back to LA. Europe is great, but LA is my home, and the older I get, the less interested I am in moving around. In 5, 10, 20, 50 years I want to be settled into my fab house in the Silver Lake hills, married to someone wonderful, with a dog and a cat and a few motorcycles in the garage, and plenty of time to sleep late and play with all of the above. And travel to exotic, interesting places and support their local economies…

I can visualize my ideal home and lifestyle so easily, but when I try to visualize my ideal job or company, I get nothing. It’s like a giant blank void. Does this mean I’m going to just have a pile of money land in my lap? Or does it mean I’m too disconnected from reality? Or just that I am changing careers so I can’t possibly know what it’s like from the inside of my next career? Going to London reminded me what my goals were 20 years ago, and that I haven’t quite reached them. Kinda jolted me into taking stock and being more careful with my money. But I also feel like it’s so late, there was a certain sense of "what the hell have you been doing all this time?" as I walked the streets of the city where I could easily blow through millions of dollars in days and have so very much to show for it. What I’ve been doing is finding ways to align my values more closely with my actual earning capacity. Sure, I could’ve chosen a more lucrative path, but I valued my free time more than a closet full of the latest designer clothes.

This is "Ghost" by Kader Attia at the Saatchi Gallery in London. Stunning.

Well, back in North Carolina, I thought my sleeping habit was primarily caused by my ridiculously comfortable Tempurpedic bed. That was a part of it, but here I am sleeping on (what feels like) bare springs, and still unwilling to get out of bed in the AM, even after a good night’s sleep. That will change tonight, as my memory foam topper has arrived and I am going to pick it up today! Here, I’m also eating sugar again (it’s damn near impossible to avoid), so that contributes to the problem. You would think I’d spring from the bed, eager for another day of relentless exploration of this great city. But I don’t. This morning I dragged my computer into bed, hoping Telsey (the only unlocked wifi in the area) would come through again. But she didn’t. So I cleaned out my inbox, something that sorely needed to get done. In doing so, I came across a form letter from BCG, a consulting firm I’d applied to for an internship. It was "personally" inviting me to attend their on-campus recruiting events. I recall ignoring it because it was a form letter, and figured I didn’t need to go since I wasn’t thinking about consulting anymore anyway. At least not that kind of consulting. 

But it got me in kind of a funk, on top of the extremely vivid dream I had of meeting Greg Mortenson and telling him he’d given me the courage to go ahead and start my own company. So I had this dream I was in this Italian specialty deli here in Barcelona, and trying to pick out some food, and it was a problem. It was crowded, they didn’t have exactly what I wanted, and I didn’t want to wait in any lines. Nothing unusual there. What was unusual was that Greg’s assistant was with me, and complaining about how Greg was outside chewing gum again, and she kept trying to get him to chew tobacco instead (don’t forget, I live in one of the smokin’est cities in the world. it’s disgusting). So I went outside to say hi, and told him how I’d been reading "Three Cups of Tea" and it has inspired me so much, getting me out of the fear of starting my own business. Which wasn’t something I’d been aware of before this dream, but I guess it has. In conjunction with other factors…

See, the thing is, I have this crippling fear of rejection. I have avoided dropping resumes on a number of jobs because I applied to their internship programs and was rejected, so I really don’t see why I should go back for more. Hence, my having ignored BCG’s bit of promotional material. So I had this great summer internship, and a few more sememsters of top-notch education. But I’m still me, so I don’t see how the experiences of the past year will change someone’s mind about me. I haven’t even been dropping resumes with new jobs I’m thinking about, because I simply abhor putting myself on the auction block only to be shot down. This isn’t some product, project or business I’m trying to sell to people, it’s me. So it’s personal.

In any case, I wrote up this job description for myself in response to the numerous job postings that interested me, but seemed to be looking for someone specifically not like me. It was so disheartening. And because someone I admire mentioned that her current employer asked her to write her own job description, and because I don’t have a pat answer when my career counselor asks me "what is your dream job?"

My dream job is this, as far as I know:

Recent graduate of one of the top MBA programs in both sustainability and entrepreneurship with 14 years of experience in apparel product development seeks ideal position. Job should be based in downtown Los Angeles, with 10-30% travel to interesting, exotic locales. Company should be exciting, glamorous, dynamic, and interested in becoming more environmentally and socially responsible, and willing to actually change. Coworkers are a scintillating bunch of hardworking smarty pants who don’t take themselves too seriously and love what they do.

Duties include: researching and analyzing fascinating industries, market data, and customer insights, networking, brainstorming & working with an awesome team, preparing and conducting presentations, developing new products, teaching people who are willing to learn, asking the hard questions, providing an alternative POV, working on multiple projects/tasks throughout the day, and having fun with coworkers while doing all this.

Where I am:

"ARIES (March 21-April 19): It’s a great privilege to live in a free country. You’re fortunate if you have the opportunity to pursue your dreams without having to ward off government interference or corporate brainwashing or religious fanaticism.

But that’s only partly useful if you have not yet won the most important struggle for liberation, which is the freedom from your own unconscious habits and conditioned responses.

Becoming an independent agent who’s not an unwitting slave to his or her past is one of the most heroic feats a human being can accomplish. And you, Aries, will have more mojo to do that in 2009 than you’ve had in a long time."

Good to know! I’ve been wondering when I would stop carrying around this old baggage and get on with life. I’m not sure about the unconscious habits, for obvious reasons, but I know a few conditioned responses I’d like to let go of. Like that whole nonsense of strictly being attracted to the most unavailable men. Let’s see if it actually happens… My year begins anew in Barcelona tomorrow.

Nice! It seems I’m prepared for the zeitgeist. According to this article: http://www.fastcompany.com/resources/design/dziersk/connecting-the-dots-112807.html?partner=rss

and the book I’m reading “A Whole New Mind,” the future needs people like me. People who have been happily nurturing their creative “side” all along. People with design educations and experience, and good business sense, and for maximum (shareholder) value, people with a damn good business edumacation. Yep, that’s me. So how many of these g-d resumes and cover letters do I have to send out before the universe places me in the position where I can be of maximum service? Bleh. It’s been so long since I had to hustle for work, I’ve become spoiled. I’m so used to people recruiting me, and being able to pick who I want to work with, this aspect of changing careers is brutally painful. I suspect it’d be so much easier to just start my own company, but I await inspiration. Still no word from my dream job, and I submitted (even the jargon is so wrong) to them over a month ago. Now I have to tap friends of friends on Linked in, 97 of which have worked for this company, and see if I can get some answers.