I poached this nugget of inspiration from http://brandautopsy.typepad.com/brandautopsy/ writing about this book- “THE KNACK,” by Norm Brodsky.

“Business is just a means to an end. The question is, what’s the end? Where do you want to go in your life? Where do you want to be in five years from a family standpoint? What do you want to earn? How much time do you want to take off?”

Now I generally try to avoid making decisions out of fear, opting instead for the more hopeful option. But this economy situation is kinda hard to be hopeful about. While tailoring my job search as best I can, and brewing up a new venture that could be a recession darling, I am still in a complete panic that this ridiculously expensive degree is all for naught. I could walk right back into my old life, make just as much money as I did before, which could be more than I’ll make in a new job, but then I’d have to slit my wrists. I’d rather move into my parent’s basement and start my own company than waste this degree.

Last week, Brezny told me (and other Aries too I suppose, but you know, we’re inherently self-obsessed) to "As you seek to take your game to a higher level, unveil your personal version of the corkscrew illusion twist rodeo spin." ie, to perform the seemingly impossible. So I am looking for a job where I can make more money, save the world, and be challenged and inspired daily. 🙂 No time like the present, right? The following week he told me to have mind-blowing sex, and well. My mom reads this so let’s just say I’ve been dating the nicest Senegalese boy (10 years my junior) the past month. He’s so gorgeous and so sweet. I recently found out he’s Muslim, too, like the other 95% of Senegalese. So I teased him about not praying 5 times a day, and he showed off his Arabic (one of the 10 languages he knows) writing skills. The cool thing about Muslim boys is they don’t drink. Love that. For some reason he doesn’t understand me when I speak French, so he’s forcing me to improve my Spanish, but I’m starting to teach him English.

So in contemplating what business to start with what little savings I’ll have left upon graduation, I have an idea that should be fine, but want to do something even more socially redeeming. We’ll see. When I told Baxi how much I spent on tuition he was pretty stunned. He’d have spent the money buying up beachfront property back home and renting it to rich tourists. Not a bad idea… I hope to visit Senegal while I’m here, but I am starting to clamp down on the spending, not knowing how long after school I’ll need to live off my savings. 😦 Although that money could last a lot longer in Africa, and there are plenty of opportunities for MBA’s to help entrepreneurs there.

So what is the End? For me, where I want to go NEXT is back to LA. Europe is great, but LA is my home, and the older I get, the less interested I am in moving around. In 5, 10, 20, 50 years I want to be settled into my fab house in the Silver Lake hills, married to someone wonderful, with a dog and a cat and a few motorcycles in the garage, and plenty of time to sleep late and play with all of the above. And travel to exotic, interesting places and support their local economies…

I can visualize my ideal home and lifestyle so easily, but when I try to visualize my ideal job or company, I get nothing. It’s like a giant blank void. Does this mean I’m going to just have a pile of money land in my lap? Or does it mean I’m too disconnected from reality? Or just that I am changing careers so I can’t possibly know what it’s like from the inside of my next career? Going to London reminded me what my goals were 20 years ago, and that I haven’t quite reached them. Kinda jolted me into taking stock and being more careful with my money. But I also feel like it’s so late, there was a certain sense of "what the hell have you been doing all this time?" as I walked the streets of the city where I could easily blow through millions of dollars in days and have so very much to show for it. What I’ve been doing is finding ways to align my values more closely with my actual earning capacity. Sure, I could’ve chosen a more lucrative path, but I valued my free time more than a closet full of the latest designer clothes.

This is "Ghost" by Kader Attia at the Saatchi Gallery in London. Stunning.