The Fog, originally uploaded by pinkyracer.

When I was a kid, there was a horror movie about this fog that enveloped some town and scared the shit out of everyone. I only recall the bit about the people trapped in the grocery store, wishing they could go home, but The Fog would git them if they tried to leave.

Well, The Fog is real and it has devoured Los Angeles. Except it’s not some malevolent force bent merely on destruction. No, this fog is an invasive alien species. It has descended on Los Angeles because it determined that all of the most widely regarded communications emanate from this region. So The Fog figured this must be the capital of the planet or something. The Fog has been here a whole week now, and still hasn’t seemed to figure out that this is indeed NOT the world capital.

So Fog, I am here to tell you that this is not where you need to be. Please leave. We have nothing of real interest or import to teach you here. You might find a trip to NYC far more informative and useful. Plus, they’re used to shitty weather, and can handle ANYTHING so they can handle a little Fog. OK, OK, I know you’re not little! I saw your outer edge as I rode back in from Lancaster today, hovering over the mountainous Angeles National Forest. I suffered through your density all over Malibu on Sunday, on what could’ve been a lovely last ride before a 3 week trip away from my bike.Instead it was dangerous, tedious and stressful.

While you may be welcome and beloved in nearby areas like Big Sur, San Francisco, and Seattle, you’re actually hated here. You see, most of us live here because of our deep and abiding love for The Sun. I know how much you hate The Sun, especially when she burns you to death. But you see, this is her land. Not yours. While some may enjoy you for novelty’s sake, you’ve really overstayed your welcome and you simply must go. Let’s face it. You’re a downer. Us humans need sunlight, it makes us happy. OK, so some people are only happy when it rains, but they’re just weird emo types. I’m off to Spain for 3 weeks, and when I get back you better be long gone.